crazylady024

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 01:07:15 GMT

ok so i cut my hair...ALL OFF!!!!! i look....com[;eatly different like not like me at all but thats ok...heehee ben likes it.

i told eddie this morning how i don think i can go out with him for a long time...

oh well lemme tell u all about it on my other lj...love u!!!

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 23:03:04 GMT

the pains in my side are from the stress in my heart.....does that make sense? and wehn i get sick its from the overpowerment of my stress that csue me to basically break down

lovest u? i know ive already done this already but i was all i hafta psot it again lol love u!!!

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 01:23:10 GMT

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Have we ever had sex?
33. Do you want to have sex with me?
34. Do you miss me?
35. Do you think i miss you?
36. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
37.just for the record, would u ever lie to me?

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 23:58:36 GMT

well u know me i am always up for a change...so heres my new lj...

xportorriquenox

ADD ME BITCH!!!!

AND POST IN IT SO I CAN ADD U!!!!!

KISSES!!!!!

XXXOOO

~SUNSHINE~

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 17:42:02 GMT

so i talked to sami...but i didnt tell her everything cause i promised i owuldnt...i hate keeping my fuckn promises when its like this...its just not right its mean its cruel and i hate both him and me i just need ben...i need to talk to him so bad i need him to get all quiet and worried and look at me like he does in that cute face and ask whats wrong and how he can help i want him to put his arm around me and look aactually into my eyes...i wnat him to be there right now right here...casue dan i cna deal with...i need him for this...

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 16:55:06 GMT

tell me...what do u do when this amazing guy has been lieing to you for 2 months? what do u do when this girl that seems pretty cool is gonna get hrut and its your faullt even if u didnt know? what happens when u resent one of your best friends becasue she said its ok to trust him? what do u do when you let your gaurd down and another person u thought was ur best friend pretty much rapes you...what is a girl to do when everything in her life is dissapearing...just fading away and she doesnt even trust herself nemore...i have poor judgement i guess...i was wrong about courtney i was wrong about dan i was wrong about alot of people...maybe im wrong about myself...i cant hurt nemore its just not ok...its not ok that i have good dreams of strangling myself...i want to cut so bad...just casue i promised i wouldnt kill myself and thats all i wanna do...i hate my life right nwo...sammi deserves him more than i do...but if hes serious...
Kenshin4327 [11:38 AM]: i tol dher yesterday.... the reson i like her is cuz she reminds me of you so when im with her i feel like its you..
then she needs to turn and run the other way...csue noone deserves that...

i need to go get like a drink or something...cause this is too much for me...

<3sunshine

oh and ben if u read this today...i realle need to talk...can u call me?

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 02:02:48 GMT

people like kate...and amanda-thankx cause i donno what i woulda done without u...now eddie is an jerk cause hes like i wanna break up with sammi, and hes all hes goin to, and when i talk to him im like i hafta tell sammi, and he goes "don f*n talk to me then" i mean like what the f***? i would love to be like ok eddie i wont say nething to her. but he prolly made me out as an obsessive whore. and its like hello?????hes the one who does things like call me 70 times in an hour. i mean its sweet and kinda cute but if neone's obsessive does that mean its me? hes the one that when he sees me comes right up to me hugs me and kisses my neck. which i love...hes the one who is all like i lvoe you all the time. and i mean i love him to, i love hi mmroe than nething in the world, but like if he mad eme out as that girl ima kill him. course i love him more than nething and im an incapable of hating him and i have been liek that since i started talkin to him in like 6th grade...and since we became friends in 7th...and actually met eachothe the summer before 8th...when i fell for him...ive liked this kid for so long and he threw it away for jen...then i gave up with devon...and now i have if i want him ben...who loves me more than nethioing but like if hes tryin to save his friendsihp with her by puttin me down ill never forgive him...and lord knows they wouldnt friends... i hafta go or bri will kill me so love you guys!!!! bye...oh and make me not hate eddie? it would realle suck...

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 22:50:34 GMT

sometimes i wonder whats goin through eddie's head...i mean he was still goin out with sammi...but he was gonna ask me out...whenever something happens with us...i get completley empty...maybe this time the thought of ben can keep me alive...i wish i could tell eddie wat makes me so...gone when it comes iwth him...but i cant.i mean like if io did then he would prolly flip put amd start liein some more. god i hjate my lifde but its ok cause i have missy, who told me somethin ginterestin last night, on my side. and torry to talk to and amber to complain to and my dan to just have hug me...then i have ben...and i wish i had eddie...but i don...we made up. were still friends, i hope. he said we were when i just talked to him. but like im not happy, and im not upset. im just blank....like its ahppened too many times for me to care at this point...but i do care...its jsut im blank...and like i love ben, hes the best friend a girl could have, him and rocco, but...i am in love with eddie...on some level i still am...and i still love eddie...in a different way then ben but i still love him...

u kno...dan talks to me and i thikn he doesnt expect me to understand...but i think i do more than ne1...i mean how could he know that since he doesnt know much about why me and eddie ended it...not to mention im starting to have feelings for a realle good friend of mine and i wanna kill myself for that...and to top it all off-i have like 7 friends who are suicidal and for the first time i think they are realle serious, and they want to talk, until i ask them not to do it, then they hate me...im so sick of hearin my friends are hurtin that i would kill myself just to provide them with my little bit of joy that i have...just to make them a little bit happier...

u know what i need? i need someone to take me somewhere and just one on one talk to me about me for once. i don wanna here about their problems but for once i want them to say...hmmmmm want to explain? i might understand but why don u reasure me? or just not say nething at all...i want someone to ask what i want...i mean i wanted so bad to go otu with dan then cause i knew he could make me happy, but, i didnt want to hurt alli so i said no...i mean it turned out ok since him and courtney were happy till now...but i liked him so much, and with him i knew i coulda forgotten eddie atleast for a few days...but i couldnt do that to a friend...then i went out with devon but it hurt eddie too much and despite the fact that me and eddie were over i broke up with devon to make eddie even just the tinniest bit happier...then ben and he was like no i don like that but ill go out with sammi to "make u mad" but uld hafta be there to understand it...

i want to more than nething...is tell eddie that i cant hurt nemore...but im not sure if i hurt more when im with eddie or without...cause like i just want to smile everyday...like brittney does....or even missy...but i cant ccause im never happy nemore...and i just want to be happy...

eddie when u decide what u want...gimme a call...cause i know what i want...its just u hafta be willin to let go of a free piece of ass...thats if u want it too...i love you so much eddie

ben...if u ever read this...thank u so much for bein there...and i want to talkt to u on monday...love you babe!

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 15:36:52 GMT

wowy i lovest everyone so very much!!!!!!!! specially my...amber and torry!!!!!! cuz u guys are super amazing lol!!!!!!

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 20:39:28 GMT

tim is amazing!!!

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 18:33:27 GMT

can u say jack ass? bull shit he doesnt wnat her-thats why he ditched me yesterday for her right? cause he loves me oh so mucn. me and ben arent going out and so that i could be with him but u know wat-oh well-im so sick of this shit i cant take it nemore. i am not letting myself be his fuckn doormat nemore. omg torry if u werent fuckn sick uld know the whole sotry...but ur so that sux....man oh man!!!!! g2g make sur emy mom isnt here when he walks out the door.huggs guys asnd ill see u tomarrow!

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 00:38:07 GMT

so my poor dan...ha and if i didnt have a bf ild so jump ontop of him lol jk but if i had to prior attachment i might lol....wow im so deprived of it all!too bad ben is ben and me and eddie had that agreement and hes prude neways so oh damn!.....bamn? wow im hyperand ashley is here so i hsould entertain her soon...love u guys!!!

I ABSOLUTLY LOVE ROB

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 22:47:43 GMT

he is os amazing and hes helping me and thats makin me so happy and idk when were going...but if this turns out...well not horrible...then ill tell eddie cause its stupid to keep it from him but idk if he can handle it...and im kinda mad at torry...like i love her to death, and i know theyre best friends. but if u think this ruins him, how the hell do u think i feel? this could change my whole entire life, everything about it....i mean like...so it ruins him-he doesnt hafta kno i mean like maybe just maybe....no i just dont care right now...i resent her and alli and everybody else except for rob and dan cause they are the only ones who are takin care of ME like i need that for once. for once i need people to say "Ari, can i help? are u ok? waht can i do for YOU?" not "Omg i should go talk to eddie i hope hes ok, i wanna be the one he cries to, and so i should be there" i mean like, maybe u could not just ask if im ok but actually mean it and not mean..."i hope hell be alright" ok ima stop venting now casue im lucky that rob is helpin me even tho he was sick today, and im lucky i have dan to just listen...im lucky andi shouldnt be complaining...

ok wait just one more thing....don lie to me nemore ne of u cause for the most part i can tell! and im sick of it!!!!!!

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 16:18:06 GMT

no school today and as happy as i am it kinda sux too...but its ok cause ima go see what dress briana got for the snowflake and that will excite me byound belief yeayness!!!!!!!!!!!!im like the bigest idiot ever...but u all love me right? well torry atleast since she responds to my post like well every time i post lol ok ima watching the nanny so ima run...kisses!!!!!

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 01:21:29 GMT

For those of you who have some trouble holding on...remember i am there for you. alicia i know you thought i wouldnt be there cause everyone else thought it was a joke but u know how much i care and u know more now but u shouldve known then that u are my number one girl babe and i will always be right by your side holding your hand all the way. greg will get over it eventually he has no right to be upset over something as silly as this i love ya girl and i swear i wont ever leave you!!!!! be happy? grap some peaches!!!!!

ok wello u guys dont forget im here ok? i love you all so much!

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 22:21:16 GMT

i feel so bad i like totally blew off play practice or whatever...but i compleatly forgot so i guess i didnt totally blow it off cause im like frantically tryin to fide a ride ooooo yipeee maybe mr.haynie can..........................on hold...........................bye guyz

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 22:30:09 GMT

my chest hurts so much...oh god it hurts like fuckn hell guys this int cool...eh eheheheheheheheheh ok ima go cuz i cant stand this....bye guys...

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 18:04:39 GMT

oh man so i said shit to eddie last night that i dont htink he liked so now i hafta try to fully explain things tonight...oh boy...and before tim comes over so maybe i can be like oh tims here im sorry...and then have dinner and then cry my eyes out...and my friend is going in for surgery in like an hour so i hafta go call her and make sure she is okay and maybe ill stay with her its depends...i need her to be okay more than nething in the world so pray for her ok? thankx babes!!!

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 16:47:53 GMT

so excited lol...heehee i like when...idk but grrr cause ben is still in vt and yea im a lil hyper. i like texted rob last night to apologize for not calling him and when he texted me back i was talkin to eddie so i felt bad cause he didnt want me to respond...grrrrrrness...well newayzzzzzzzzz ima go back to sleep [rolly cause if i dont then i hafta write letters to buissness about givingi me money....oh well nighty night!

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 00:45:17 GMT

rawr!!!! hey eddie babi im sorry i didnt call u back ididnt even know that u called until something like 630 and then no one answered when i called back so im so sorry i hope u get this tonight and call me when u get home LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 22:25:39 GMT

come con me to el ice arena de danbury para open skate. esta 9 dollares para open skate y rentals de skates

ok...en ingles...please come with me on new years eve i was thinkin we could all go iceskating at the open skate from 5-8 and then dinner or a movie or you guys could come here just u need to call me and tell me but u HAFTA LEAVE A MESSEGE cause i need to know how many pizza's to order. LOVE YA!!!!!!!!7754118----7330994

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 18:24:07 GMT

Courtney dan and ben are here and were going to the movies to see.....SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS!!!!!lol heehee im excited and im sad cuz im not gonna see my very special people for like forevr and i miss my torry lol...ok so torry u are coming up like soon k? u are coming over and idk were goingto the movies or something...love you?

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 00:43:11 GMT

Twice you left for a summer fling
Twice I asked to do my own thing
Four times you told me she wasthe one
3 more times you said my light was not his sun
Once more I tried to reconcyle
And again I was not worth your while
7 time in just one week
Soon after someone let it leak
My heart moved on to someone new
And then your controlling ways
In which we did not speak for just three days
We then made up in such a way
So kiss me, yess if you must
But please do not confuse love with lust

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 13:58:23 GMT

mky stupid thing wont let me look and it makes me sad!

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 13:57:51 GMT

guys im so happy...i love this i havent had my suicidal thoughts i havent drank i havnt smoked i havnt done nething bad and im oh so excited!!! i mean eddie was great and he made me mucho happy-but only when i was with him, ben just makes me happy all together! man oh man...i love bein happy...i love that my best friend can make me this happyy and i hoope im makin him happy cuz that would make me even more happy only im afraid if i get nemore happy i might burst! damn me and my awful self!!!!!well neway i still dont know what to get ben so like im gonna burst even more...man u guys ima be like this huge ple of mush soon!!!!!lol ight ill go! luv ya!!!!